'“If all difficulties were known at the outset of a long journey, most of us would never start out at all.”

- Dan Rather

Get Your Grit On, Keep Going

December 4, 2019

Mental toughness, resilience and grit are required to navigate the winding roads of life and enjoy the journey along the way. Keeping momentum with forward motion, getting up again and again and embracing a growth mindset are the fuel to finish strong.

In Grit, The Power of Passion and Perseverance, Angela Duckworth summarizes “grit” as passion and perseverance for very long-term goals, having stamina, sticking with your future, day in, day out, for years, and working really hard to make that future a reality. Grit is living life like it's a marathon, not a sprint. You can grow your grit by cultivating your interests, committing to the daily habit of practice, connecting with a purpose beyond yourself and embracing hope to provide the inspiration to keep going.

“The heights by great men reached and kept were not attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept, were toiling upward in the night.”

Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Put Your Own Mask on First Before Assisting Others

November 29, 2019

Increasing work demands, family commitments and now the onset of the holiday season are all valid excuses why we don’t pay attention to our own development and passions. In our relentless efforts to keep others happy, pay the bills and do “more with less,” our days quickly become a series of transactions and checklists with little room for transformational living.

If we pursued our purpose with the rigor that we do our “to do” lists, we would be fulfilling our dreams and enjoying each day in the process of our own becoming. When we are personally fulfilled, we are increase our capacity to serve others and our ongoing commitments with sustained joy and vibrancy.

As the flight attendant says during the safety demonstration before taking off, “put on your own mask first before assisting others.” Good advice.

Be Your Own Cheerleader!

November 23, 2019

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

Thoughts and words matter, especially in our own mind. Our beliefs, assumptions and self-talk defines the span of our playing field and if we’re going to get in the game for the long haul. The first step to doing big things is believing that we have the capacity to achieve them.

Psychologist Albert Bandura defines self-efficacy as “one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task.” Note that it’s one’s belief in ability, not ability. Believing that we can do it is the first step.

“Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.”

- Dr. Seuss

Play Time - Bring It On!

November 10, 2019

“Now this relaxation of the mind from work consists on playful words or deeds. Therefore it becomes a wise and virtuous man to have recourse to such things at times.” – Thomas Aquinas

Where we focus our finite time, attention and capacity defines the quality and depth of our days. The actions of experimenting and exploring help us discover what is most important to us. Our core values should drive how and what we spend our time on to make our days meaningful and fulfilling.

“Doing more with less” is empty mantra that corporate America has been serving up for decades, which accounts for the 34% employee engagement rate as measured by Gallup. While the numbers have improved, 53% are in the “not engaged” category. The sheer volume of what’s expected will not be solved with more technology or multi-tasking schemes. How about “doing less with more” and creating lasting value?

Engagement in an activity, whether it be work, a side gig or a hobby that requires passion and commitment which compels us to put effort into the activity.

One important way to re-engage and rediscover your passion is play. In “Adults need recess too. Here’s why you need time to play”, Tolu Ajiboye describes how playing games, exercising, hobbies and laughter facilitate creativity and problem-solving skills as well improve our cognitive health and happiness.

“Clinical psychologist and chief of the Division of Psychology at Ellis Hospital, Dr. Rudy Nydegger, says there are two basic tenets of play. ‘First, it is something that we do for recreation that is purely for enjoyment and/or entertainment — it is something we do just for fun," he says. "Second, it is something that is intrinsically motivating. In other words it is something that we want to do and is not something we need to be coerced or 'bribed' into doing. It is voluntary; we do it just because we want to.’”

Integrating play into our days not only makes life more fun and each us more fun to be around, it can improve the outcomes of our efforts and relationships. Don’t wait for vacation to get more play time in. Commit to it every day.

Do less and play more. Recess has begun, let the games begin.

“Action is eloquence.”

- William Shakespeare

From Seeds to Fruition – How to Generate, Germinate and Execute Ideas

November 3, 2019

“All of us contain a divine, expressive spark, a creative candle intended to light our path and that of our fellows. We are shiny, not tarnished; large, not small; beautiful, not damaged – although we may be ignorant of our grace, power, and dignity.” – Julia Camerson, The Artist’s Way

The blank page, the empty canvas, can be daunting. Each time I begin a new article, I get a touch of imposter’s syndrome, feeling inadequate and doubting that I can execute. It fades to the background as soon as I start and enter the process of creative expression. Wandering, losing track of time and getting the first draft on paper are the main ingredients of idea generation and narrative development.

In addition to starting right where I’m at in the moment, I also use Julia Cameron’s practices of morning pages and artist’s dates to generate ideas and uncover what’s hiding inside waiting to be released.

“CHANGE IS THE END RESULT OF ALL TRUE LEARNING.”

- Leo Buscaglia

Unlearning Your Way to Learning

October 28, 2019

Learning is a lifelong pursuit that helps us adapt, thrive, flourish and change our behavior. When we choose to be a “student” beyond our formal education, with a willingness and readiness to learn, we expand and deepen our perspective, prompting action.

Our experiences, assumptions and old models can get in the way of making new connections and patterns that lead to new thinking. One of the first steps to learning throughout our life is unlearning. “Unlearning is not about forgetting. It’s about the ability to choose an alternative mental model or paradigm. When we learn, we add new skills or knowledge to what we already know. When we unlearn, we step outside the mental model in order to choose a different one,” says Mark Bonchek, Why the Problem with Learning is Unlearning.

“Dream and give yourself permission
to envision a You that you can
choose to be.”

- Joy Page

Creativity Permission Slip

October 25, 2019

How many times have you said, “I’m not creative”? Too many, I’m sure. It’s time to stop, paint a new picture and change your mindset.

“A study by George Land reveals that we are naturally creative and as we grow up we learn to be uncreative. Creativity is a skill that can be developed and a process that can be managed. Creativity begins with a foundation of knowledge, learning a discipline, and mastering a way of thinking. You can learn to be creative by experimenting, exploring, questioning assumptions, using imagination and synthesing information. Learning to be creative is akin to learning a sport. It requires practice to develop the right muscles and a supportive environment in which to flourish,” according to Creativity at Work.

3 Reasons We Don’t Start and How to Overcome Them

October 20, 2019

We have a lot of ideas and good intentions, but often fall short of acting on them. Starting and finishing fuels more starting. Here are three common reasons that we don’t start:

Busy
Change
Fear

Let’s break each down and get more starting in our day.

“Empathy is about finding echoes of another person in yourself

– Mohsin Hamid

The Journey Inside and Out

October 13, 2019

Progress in meaningful endeavors relies on both our internal and external perspective. We can talk ourselves out of trying and taking risks as well as allowing others to squash our ambitions. Understanding and developing emotional intelligence competencies can help us get past our self-imposed obstacles as well as improve and enhance the quality of our relationships.

Psychologist and author Daniel Goleman has been researching emotional intelligence for years. In our hyper-fast and “skim the surface” environment, understanding ourselves and others better can take us deeper into meaning, connection and relevance.

Focus, Attention and Habits, Oh My

October 6, 2019

“The art of being wise is the art of knowing what to overlook.” William James

What we do daily adds up for better or worse. Focusing on the right things makes our life meaningful and brings daily joy. Forming and sticking with new habits are key to our long-term success in going in the direction we choose for ourselves. Keep it simple by starting with one habit at a time so your effort is sustainable and lasting.

“All day long, you are selectively paying attention to something, and much more often than you may suspect, you can take charge of this process to good effect. Indeed, your ability to focus on this and suppress that is the key to controlling your experience and, ultimately, your well-being.”― Winifred Gallagher, Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life

"What is to give light must
endure burning."

- Viktor Frankl

Black Holes

September 28, 2019

This week, NASA announced that their planet-hunting Transiting Exoplanet Survey Satellite (TESS) captured a black hole tear apart a star in a cataclysmic phenomenon called a tidal disruption event.

As I watched in awe, I thought about all of the “black holes” in our lives that we allow to snuff out and consume our light. Black holes like regrets, grudges, “rules”, old stories that we still believe, lack of confidence, fear, clinging to the past, assumptions and judgments about ourselves and others.

It we don’t let these things go, they don’t let us go and grow. We remain comfortably captive to them. While we may be justified in our feelings, we can choose to rise above them and live fully, letting our bright light shine.

Holocaust survivor and psychiatrist Viktor E. Frankl’s quote sums it up the best, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.” If anyone had the absolute right to be angry, bitter and broken, it certainly was Dr. Frankl. Our daily burdens pale in comparison.

New research was just released this week on the health benefits of optimism. “Thought patterns and mindsets are the most intimate parts of our experience,” said Dr. Alan Rozanski, lead author of a meta-analysis on optimism that was published Friday in the journal JAMA Network Open. "We have known for a few decades now that there's a relationship between psychological factors and heart disease.”

Optimism not only changes your perspective, it also helps your heart, literally. Think about all of those “black holes” and dare to consume them with your light.

6 Ways to Train Your Brain to Be More Optimistic

1. Try on a positive lens – the glass is not only half full, it’s overflowing!;

2. Be aware of who you surround yourself with – it’s easy to fall into the “misery loves company” trap;

3. Turn off the news – especially pertinent now with the political season in full swing (although it’s always in full swing);

4. Write in a journal a few minutes a day – gratitude can do wonders for your perspective. I just downloaded an awesome new app – 5 Minute Journal which is a simple and “doable” way to put your intentions into daily action;

5. Acknowledge what you can and can’t control – the Serenity Prayer sums that one up the best;

6. Acknowledge the negative – there are difficulties in life to be sure and shouldn’t be denied, but we can choose how we respond;

7. BONUS – lighten up and laugh more.

You have a choice to not allow the “black holes” that surround you to consume you. Choose carefully for it determines the quality of your life. Now go consume some black holes with your light.

“Everyone has his own specific vocation or mission in life; everyone must carry out a concrete assignment that demands fulfillment. Therein he cannot be replaced, nor can his life be repeated, thus, everyone's task is unique as his specific opportunity to implement it.” – Viktor E. Frankl

“Perseverance and perspective until victory.”

- Lincoln Diaz-Balart

Eagle and Mouse Eyes

September 22, 2019

There’s an ancient Native American concept of eagle eyes and mouse eyes - the broad view and close up view. Both perspectives serve their purpose and work in tandem to gain insight, create meaning and give us a 360 degree view. Using mouse eyes when we need to focus and execute and then shifting to our peripheral vision of an eagle to get an expanded view to be inspired to keep moving to the finish lines in all aspects of our life.

Take the Wheel Back

September 16, 2019

“All day long, you are selectively paying attention to something, and much more often than you may suspect, you can take charge of this process to good effect. Indeed, your ability to focus on this and suppress that is the key to controlling your experience and, ultimately, your well-being.” ― Winifred Gallagher, Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life

Busyness is the malady of our time.

Our days are consumed by chores, tasks, running around, rushing from one thing to the next. Obligations, commitments, “making a living over a life” consume the bulk of our time. There’s an emptiness in transaction-based busy work. If we are fortunate, we get weary enough to demand change and take action to fill the void.

Rather than chasing life, we can let life capture us in the simple things and activities that we consciously choose to do daily. Wrapped in wonder and delight, we must slow down to witness our life while we are in it, to see all that is available to us right now. By defining and returning regularly to the “thesis” of our life, our activities and attention shift to purpose- driven living.

The Blank Page

September 10, 2019

“Creativity is always a leap of faith. You're faced with a blank page, blank easel, or an empty stage.” – Julia Cameron

I sat staring at a blank page tonight, uninspired and tired. So I proceeded to give up and put my computer back in my office and shifted my blank stare to mediocre repeat shows on television. I didn’t feel like researching or putting rigor into the content that I want to offer on Start3Things.

But I couldn’t go to bed without posting this. If we wait for inspiration to start, we will rarely if ever start. There’s nothing magical or romantic about it. It takes work, repetition and filling up the blank page with less than perfect words. To accomplish meaningful and lasting things, the things we are built for, we need to put in effort and push through so we don’t get stuck in our heads.

“Growth demands a temporary surrender of security.”

- Gail Sheehy

Third Acts

September 1, 2019

“Do not wait; the time will never be 'just right.' Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have at your command, and better tools will be found as you go along.” – George Herbert

Third acts come at all ages and stages of life. In our careers, relationships and in our own ongoing self-development. We all know people who are close to retiring, in their third act of their career as well as those on the other end of the spectrum just starting their careers, in the third act of their formal education, transitioning to the “real” world. Advice to those on the front end of the spectrum – keep your wide-eyed optimism, put in the work and effort, make new mistakes and enjoy the ride. It goes fast.

Dare to Look Stupid and Embrace a Beginner’s Mindset

August 24, 2019

“Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it,
Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it.” - Goethe

Worrying about what others think, fear of failure and imperfection, not knowing how to do something are key ingredients that stop us from starting. We trod along, accepting the inevitable, which is only made inevitable by our own mindset and preconceived notions that are embedded in our stories. The past. The future is always a clean slate if we choose and the past has had its turn. And the future is a result of what you do today.

We can change the stories, those narratives that don’t serve us well. In Redirect, Changing the Stories We Live By, Timothy D. Wilson defines strategies to change up those stories through story editing approaches including the Pennebaker Writing Exercise and The Step-Back-and-Ask Why Approach. When we identify and examine those defining moments that we carry with us that create boundaries, we can understand them, gain perspective, let go and move on.

Wake Up

August 16, 2019

I’ve just started David Brook’s new book The Second Mountain – The Quest for a Moral Life. I’m not very far in, but I can tell that I’m going to savor this book like I did with Cal Newton’s Deep Work. Both speak to a need to go deeper, stay longer and do the work. More to come on deep work strategies another time.

In the Second Mountain, one term that captured my attention immediately was “acedia.” A centuries old concept, Brook’s summarizes acedia as the quieting of passion, a lack of care, sluggishness of the soul, an oven set on warm. I see this all around and within and I don’t like it nor am I willing to accept it as just being the way it is. We need to turn up the heat and focus on the right things.

The Middle

August 6, 2019

We get excited by big ideas. We imagine the finish line which can motivate us to start. Then the middle happens - the work. The fog rolls in, the path is unclear, the work is hard and the finish line fades into the distance.

Most of life happens in the middle. This is the place where diligence, rigor and discipline are required so we don’t give up. Moving through and carrying on are required to get to the finish line and prepare us for our next start line. And the middle is the heart of the journey that really matters.

Creating Order

July 28, 2019

Over time, we accumulate piles in our houses, offices and minds. And the clutter we create brings chaos, preventing us from starting and doing the work to finish what’s most important to us. We need space to breath, think, plan and take action. A great place to start starting is to clear the clutter and create some order. And then committing to keeping order after it’s created so we don’t return to old habits and new clutter.

From Divergence to Convergence and Back Again, and Again

July 14, 2019

“The heart of a human being is no different from the soul of heaven and earth. In your practice always keep in your thoughts the interaction of heaven and earth, water and fire, yin and yang.” - Morihei Ueshiba

With information overload on steroids, we are confronted with dozens of choices daily. It’s easy to understand why we get stuck in indecision, unable to choose for fear of making the wrong decision among the wide array of options. If we allow, we can move into the ebb and flow of living, moving from one end to the next and back again with ease.

Busy

Change

Fear