“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain
Thoughts and words matter, especially in our own mind. Our beliefs, assumptions and self-talk defines the span of our playing field and if we’re going to get in the game for the long haul. The first step to doing big things is believing that we have the capacity to achieve them.
Psychologist Albert Bandura defines self-efficacy as “one’s belief in one’s ability to succeed in specific situations or accomplish a task.” Note that it’s one’s belief in ability, not ability. Believing that we can do it is the first step.
Challenging old beliefs and stories, quieting negative internal chatter and filling the space with positive self-talk set us up to take on new challenges, to “throw off the bowlines.”
“We all have two different voices inside us: one that is nurturing, and one that is critical; one that lifts up, and one that weighs us down. Both of these voices have a role to play. Our inner nurturer brings self-compassion and encouragement, while the inner critic helps you recognize where you’ve gone wrong and what you need to do to set things right. But for most people, the inner critic goes way overboard, throwing dart after dart of scolding, shaming, nit-picking and faultfinding,” states psychologist Rick Hanson and Forrest Hanson, How to Stand Up to Your Inner Critic
Self-talk helps us overcome self-doubt and develop high self-efficacy. Dr. Magdalena Battles offers 15 Ways to Practice Self-Talk:
Have a purpose higher than self;
Limit time with negative people;
Be grateful;
Stop playing the comparison game;
Use positive words with others;
Believe in yourself;
Don’t fear failure;
Replace negative thoughts with positive ones;
Positive affirmations daily;
Don’t dwell in the past;
Visualize your success;
Limit intake of the news;
Help others;
Get moving - exercise;
Dream and set goals.
While self-efficacy is the first step, goal-setting is the road map to the finish line. Elaine Houston outlines the key principles of goal setting:
Commitment – attachment and determination to reach it – do you really want it?
Clarity – be specific and precise;
Challenging – aim high but not too high and then believe you can achieve it;
Task Complexity – be realistic with time frames and break down goals into do-able steps;
Feedback – measurement of progress along the way is important; celebrate the small wins and don’t let setbacks make you stop, keep going.
Be aware of your thoughts, anchor yourself in positive thinking and become your own cheerleader.