“Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control, and some things are not. It is only after you have faced up to this fundamental rule and learned to distinguish between what you can and can’t control that inner tranquility and outer effectiveness become possible.” — Epictetus, The Art Of Living
A fundamental principle in journalism is to “check your sources.” As a journalism major, I was reminded of this principle this weekend when a government official quoted a “fact” that would help the narrative to support his view. It kept popping up on Facebook as fact, again and again, giving people comfort by supporting their view as well.
I am purposely being general here to not discuss the specific issue, but to emphasize the importance of the principle. This is not about politics and party positions. As it turns out, a news organization checked the source to verify the “facts” and found that it was actually the exact opposite of what the government official said. It reminded me that both in public and more importantly in our own life, we need to check our sources to see if they are accurate or merely supporting our view.
Without questioning validity, we search for information and ideas that support our own narrative rather than a 360 degree view to see complexity, concepts and new connections. While this keeps us comfortable in false certainty, we forego the difficult and deeply rewarding journey to empathy, understanding and transformation.
If we check our internal sources to see whether they are serving our growth or stifling it, we can rewrite the narrative and dare to go in new directions, to learn, to gain fresh perspectives and insights.
Although we keep trying, we can’t control other peoples’ narratives, but we can control our own. Our thoughts, words, past experiences, circumstances, others’ opinions, our ego all influence our outlook and whether we see scarcity or abundance. My preference is abundance.
When we identify those mental blocks and beliefs, we can get out of our own way and begin to take daily imperfect, consistent action to improve and move forward to purpose and meaningful activities that bring joy and fulfillment. When individuals pursue purpose and fulfillment, we discover that it is driven from within and in the pursuit, society is served as well.
Listen to your self-talk
What thoughts are swirling in your mind? Identify them so you can “check the source” to see if they are valid. Not good enough, too old, not creative, not enough time, perfectionism often rise to the top of the list. Change your thoughts and words and your actions will follow suit.
Dr. Magdalena Battles offers some valuable insights to start with:
Use positive words, stop complaining and limit time with negative people;
Practice gratitude –studies show that gratitude is important for overall well-being. Write (or at least text) a thank you note, write down three things that you are grateful for each day to shift your perspective; “Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend.” – Melody Beattie
Stop comparing yourself with others. Stay in your own lane, stop trying to “fix” others and work on yourself;
Don’t fear failure. Practice, improve, learn. Make new mistakes. Failure is part of the map to success;
Don’t dwell in the past – LET IT GO! Move on to the present moment which builds the future;
Visualize your success;
Help others – there’s plenty to do;
Move - exercise your body, mind and soul. Stretch yourself, breathe deeply and dance;
Dream and set goals – In the midst of “making a living,” allow dreams to re-enter and inspiration to ensue.
Redefine the “Rules”
Rules serve an important purpose to delineate lines to operate in, but they can turn quickly into walls with no doors if not examined. don Miguel Ruiz’s The Four Agreements serve as good life “rules” to follow:
Be Impeccable with Your Word.
Don't Take Anything Personally.
Don't Make Assumptions.
Always Do Your Best.
Journaling
“I believe I could never exhaust the supply of material lying within me. The deeper I plunge, the more I discover. There is no bottom to my heart and no limit to the acrobatic feats of my imagination.” — Anaïs Nin
There are many benefits of journaling including improving well-being, boosted cognition, improved performance, better communication skills. Journaling every morning taps into our subconscious thoughts and allows us to set the tone for the day. Journaling at the end of the day allows us to reflect and create meaning of our experiences. No rules – blank page, write without stopping, editing or judgment. I’ve been doing it for 68 days straight and I can’t say enough of the personal value to my outlook and clarity that comes from journaling.
Play
“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing.” –George Bernard Shaw,
Children certainly have figured out the benefits of play – creativity, joy, delight. The benefits of play for adults include improving brain function, increasing energy and preventing burnout, relieving stress, boosting innovation and creativity. I do admit, this is an area that I need to improve on and am working on this activity.
Ask questions. Listen for answers that may surprise you. Check the sources in your thoughts so you can get out of your own way and get on the important journey of growth, purpose and fulfillment.
“Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions.” – Marcus Aurelius